How To Not Sound Hypey in Your Headlines

I've noticed a lot of people in our industry write copy that is WAY too hypey, especially in their headlines. It's literally scaring the prospects away cold. BIG PROBLEM when you're marketing personal fitness training , advertising a health club, marketing a fitness boot camp or ANYTHING for that matter.

So I asked Michel Fortin about what fitness professionals should to NOT sound hypey in their salescopy. Here's what he said…

"The secret to sounding less hypey is to reduce adjectives and adverbs, and replace them with verbs and nouns that paint vivid mental pictures, and imply the power of what you’re saying. (In fact, and even better tactic is to use analogies and metaphors.)

Think of the 10 commandments as copy (I’m not speaking to the religious aspect but the words). It contains 10 verbs but not one adjective!

Now, it’s OK to add adjectives and adverbs. But keep them to a minimum. For example, here’s an example I use in seminars. Let’s say you were watching the baseball game in which Mark McGuire beat Hank Arron’s record a few years back. Right after breaking the record, he steps up to the plate once again.

The announcer says the following:

Using Adjectives And Adverbs: “After his unbelievably astonishing home-run, a victorious Mark McGuire gloriously steps up to the plate once again.”

Using Verbs And Nouns: “Exuding confidence and pride from his history-shattering home-run, Mark McGuire bounces to the plate with a spring in his stride.”

Then using Analogies And Metaphors: “Oozing with confidence from his history-making home-run under the roaring cheers of 18,000 fans, Mark McGuire glides to the plate with the same exuberance and pride Hank Aaron gleamed when he blasted a home run during the ‘72 All-Star game in his own home park’.”

See the difference?

So, the idea is to cut down a bit on the adverbs and superlatives. Sure, it’s OK to use some of them. But too much, it makes the headline sound like the snake-oil carnival barker.

The copy itself is important to communicate, precisely, everything you want to communicate. But keep in mind, a headline’s goal is NOT to bulldoze your way into people’s psyche. It’s NOT about selling them right then and there.

It’s simply to get them curious and interested enough to want to read more.

That’s it."

By Chris McCombs

Chris McCombs is a Fitness Business, Health Club marketing and Mixed Martial Arts marketing expert, Chris has also owned his own personal training business for years in Southern California