Wanna screw up your training business?

Here’s 50 ways to get you started…

1. Check yourself out in the mirror the whole time you’re training your clients

2. When training housewives who want to look lean and sexy, be sure and use heavy weights, bodybuilding style programs and put them on 1.5 grams of protein per pound of body-weight per day

3. Talk the whole time about your personal life and don’t listen to what your client… their not here to talk, their here to workout and listen to your advice, adventures, problems and victories… because you are one helluva n’ interesting person

4. Don’t have clear and defined goals, just wing it

5. Train one-on-one clients only, no groups or boot camps

6. Have sex with as many of your married clients as possible

7. Constantly worry about the economy and all the reasons why your life sucks and why you’ll always be broke, and get jealous of any successful trainers you know

8. Get ten certifications but don’t read any marketing books

9. Be a know-it-all, you’re worth it

10. Impress your clients with big scientific words and complex explanations of what exercises are doing for them… this will make them think you’re super smart

11. Compete on price – be the lowest cost trainer in town

12. Stand around and count reps, looking at your clip board as if there’s some super-important sh*t written down on it

13. If you’re a male, look at every attractive female in the gym as if you’re about to rape them – seriously, women love that

14. When it comes to form, have the philosophy that anything goes

15. Dress in late eighties / early nineties homo-erotic bodybuilder clown fashion – tight pants, lots’ of bright color and stripes, and of course the well-groomed mullet and gold chain ( nothing against good ol’ David Dearth… he just looked super funny in the early nineties)

16. Be mellow when you train people, save all of your energy for your own workouts

17. Live by the motto that forced reps and lots of vomit are the only way your clients will make progress… ESPECIALLY during the first workout

18. Work for a big corporate gym, and then when you go off on your own steal all the clients you were working with over there - now THAT’S how to start your own training business… karma shmarma

19. Be your clients therapist – help get in touch with their inner-child

20. Put your clients on machine only workouts

21. Steal clients from other trainers – being a shark is the way to succeed long term

22. Run around doing in-home training all day, be willing to go any distance

23. Don’t do any direct response marketing – it’s a waste of time

24. Don’t have a good SEO optimized direct-response sales site – internet marketing is for suckers

25. Don’t have a blog

26. Don’t worry about the business side of things… let your training speak for itself ( remember, he with the most certs wins)

27. Don’t take any before and after photos of your clients, that strategy is only for losers like Bill Phillips

28. Put ALL your clients on lots of rounded back stiff-legged high-speed deadlifts… especially your elderly clients

29. Be quite when you train people, you don’t wanna disturb the atmosphere of the gym

30. Take cash and check only, don’t do any EFT

31. Sneakily train your clients at a bunch of gyms all over town, gyms you don’t work for, and just act like your their training partner

32. Put everyone on functional only training, have them stand on bosu balls with one leg, activate their core and touch their nose with their fingers while retracing their scapula… remember, no one actually wants to look and feel better, they just want to be able to perform weird little f*ckin’ stunts

33. Brag about how great of a trainer you are all the time… it’s a sign of confidence

34. Don’t invest in any info-products to help build your business… but getta buncha cool looking corporate brochures made though

35. Know this one fact: just cuz you’re now a personal trainer, the world is gonna beat down your door just to workout with you

36. Train people any time they want to be trained, 3am, 10pm, 6pm on Sundays, WHENEVER they want, because remember your not an authority… your just a servant so act like one

37. Train for $10 an hour, and let the big gym you work for charge $60 an hour… that’s totally cool and a win/win situation

38. Be as clingy and needy as possible, just like women are attracted to needy and clingy guys and men are attracted to women who’s clocks are ticking and are on the mission to find a husband FAST, clients are attracted to trainers who NEED money… it’s just the way it is

39. Help all your female clients get jacked, especially in the arms and traps… so make sure and put all the ladies on lots o’ heavy shrugs

40. Have no concern for getting people into shape, remember, this is just about the money

41. Don’t use a coach or mentor who’s done what you wanna do and model them, just blaze a new trail and do it your own way, cuz you know better than everyone else

42. Be late for as many appointments as possible, it’ll make you look cool and important

43. Reschedule at the last minute as often as possible, your clients will think you’ve got uber-important stuff goin’ on and you obviously must be the best trainer in the world because of it

44. Treat all clients the same, the 78 woman who needs a hip replacement gets the exact same workout as the genetically gifted 20 year old athlete… make everything as cookie cutter as possible

45. Focus the majority of your time and energy trying to sell your clients on a bunch of multi-level marketing shit like Monavie, they’ll love your for it… bleed em’ for all you can with useless crap

46. Do everything on a handshake, no paper-trail or legal agreements necessary

47. NEVER, and I mean NEVER compliment or be excited to see your clients

48. Don’t read the Emyth, whatever you do

49. Think dollars for hours, it all comes down to dollars for hours, the money is all in the training, not in the sales, marketing or business strategy... train, train, train… marketing is for losers

And my favorite…

***50. Have sex with as many members of your boot camp as possible, and then when you bill them and they look at you like you should be hooking them up with some free training, tell them “What do you think I am, a prostitute? I have morals”

Hope you enjoyed these, I’d love to hear your comments below